The Kid Who Cried Wolf

Danny is sometimes a touch emotional. One night, I had enough, and decided to tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf. I don't know the real story, but here is what I told him.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf
adapted by Adam

Once there was a boy who lived in a small farm town where the people raised sheep for a living. The boy had a very important job. The men took him to the top of a hill where he could see all of the sheep. They told him to watch out for a wolf. If he saw a wolf, the boy should yell and scream and the men of the town would come running to scare off the wolf.

The men left, and the boy sat as the sun went down. And he waited. And he waited. And he waited. And he.... was... bored.

So the boy yelled "WOLF!!!"

The men grabbed their guns and came running up the hill. They said "Where's the wolf? Where's the wolf?"

The boy said, "There is no wolf, I was just bored and wanted some company." One of the men told him that wolves like to steal their sheep and eat them and that it was very important that the boy only yell "wolf" if there was really a wolf. The men left and went back to their houses, put their guns away, and started eating their dinner again.

And the boy waited. And he waited. And he waited. And he... was... bored.

So the boy yelled "WOLF! WOLF!!!!"

The men stopped eating dinner, grabbed their guns and came running up the hill again. They said "Where's the wolf? Where is it?"

The boy said, "There is no wolf, I was just cold and wanted someone to talk to." The men were angry. They told the boy that they were eating their dinner and did not want to be interrupted if there was no wolf. The men left.

And the boy waited. And he waited. And he waited. And he... was... bored.

So the boy yelled "WOLF! WOLF! WOLF!!!!"

The men looked thought for a minute and then grabbed their guns and came running up the hill for the third time. They said "Where's the wolf? Where's the wolf?"

The boy said, "There is no wolf, I was just scared of the dark and wanted someone to talk to." The men were angry. They told the boy that they weren't going to believe him if a wolf really DID come to steal the sheep. The men left angry at the boy.

And the boy waited. And he waited. And he waited. Do you know what he did? Nothing! He did not want the men to be angry at him anymore. So he waited. And he waited. And he- WAIT! What was that? There was something sneaking over to the sheep! Is it? Could it be? No- wait- YES! It's really a wolf!

The boy screamed "WOLF! WOLF! WOLF!!!! WOLF!!!!!! WOLF!!!!!!!!"

The men didn't come. They sat in their homes and did not listen to the boy.

The wolf took one sheep, then another. Then, the wolf came back and took more sheep. The boy watched the wolf take all of the sheep, one by one.

The next morning, the men came up the hill. They said "Where are all of the sheep??????"

The boy said, "The wolf came and took them. I yelled 'wolf' but nobody believed me."

The End


The Boy Who Cried Wolf
As Told by my Drunk Grandpa

Once there was a boy who lived in section 8 housing on Galbreath over by the Taco Bell because his dad couldn't get a job as a health inspector because he got a case of the gout over in Iraq and no one in this God forsaken country would hire a health inspector with a case of the gout and maybe hepatitis C on top of the gout.

The men of the section 8 housing told the boy to stand on the corner and warn them if any Steeler fans drove by so they could throw Johnsonville brats and weiners from Gold Star chili at them since the weiners from Gold Star taste like grandma's rubber water back she uses on her back ever since she fell at the IGA after she stepped on a case of Kentucky Jelly she was going to use to grease the doorways when big uncle Eddie was going to come over for cheese grits.

So the boy stood there making obscene gestures. And he mooned people. And he threw things. But he got bored. So he yelled "Steelers suck!!!" Ole' Hank and his dad grabbed their terrible towel guns and a T-shirt that says "Got Chin?" with a picture of Bill Cowher on it and ran out to the road.

They said "Where are 'dem som' bitches?" The boy from section 8 said "I ain't seen 'em, I was just tired of mooning cars." His dad told him to go to Taco Bell and get him a mexican pizza with extra green peppers and told him not to yell "Steelers Suck" unless he really saw Steeler fans.

So the boy stood there making obscene gestures. And he mooned people. And he threw things. But he got bored. So he yelled "There's Kimo Von Oelhoffen!" Ole' Hank and the boy's dad grabbed fake knee braces and their Heinz field catchup guns and ran out to the road.

They said "Where are 'dem som' bitches?" The boy from section 8 said "I ain't seem 'em, I was just tired of throwing fake Troy Polamalu wigs at cars and yelling "Medusa." His dad told him to go to that Chinese restaurant behind Taco Bell that no one has ever seen anyone go in or out of before to get him some general tsao's chicken and told him not to yell "There's Kimo" unless he really saw Steeler fans.

So the boy stood there making obscene gestures. And he mooned people. And he threw rocks at cars with pictures of Hines Ward catching HPV from Deshea Townsend. But then- could it? No- YES! It was a car full of Steeler fans with Kimo Von Oelhoffen jersey's! Jackpot!

So the boy yelled "Steelers SUCK!" and "There's Kimo!" and "Ben's riding again!"

But his dad and ole' hank were passed out on the couch from the al Qaeda chicken they got from that chinese restaurant and didn't hear the boy from section 8.

So the boy pretended the car hit him and he yelled really loud. The Steeler fans got out of their car and ran over to the boy. Just at the right time, Ole' Hank took the driver out at the knees. No yellow flags were thrown, no police were called to respond, but somewhere, Carson Palmer suddenly had a good feeling about next season.